just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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