9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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