You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
