Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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