My room smells like vodka and shame
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize