after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Randomize
