he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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