All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
