Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
