The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The air was thick with penises
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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