I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
