I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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