Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
