he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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