i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
