i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
