____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
