you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
