doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
