I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
