I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
