I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Randomize
