Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
