i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Randomize
