Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
