So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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