I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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