Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize