Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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