omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
