I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
