I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
