Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Randomize
