Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
