my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
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