You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
