Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You can't just leave with hair like that
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
