Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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