And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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