My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
