u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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