youre lurking in front of me
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
