so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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