this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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