I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
