Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
