Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
