So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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