Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
