You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
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