I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
a search helicopter?!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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