But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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