put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
