Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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