He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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