I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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