didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
