I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
