I can text with my tongue
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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