I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Mom said you looked used
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
