JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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