just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
